“How could a troll get in?” Harry asked in a poorly written manner.
   “They’re supposed to be really stupid.” Ron sighed, pressing on to more important matters. “I’m more interested in why you’re such a bland character, mate. The author created you as if you’re supposed to incorporate every reader into your being - they’re supposed to identify with you by becoming you. I disagree. This just makes you extremely bland.”
   Harry suddenly grabbed Ron’s arm.
   “I’ve just had a thought.”
   Ron’s eyes slipped down Harry’s arm in an inquisitive glance, suddenly very aware of Harry’s contact with him. He was also desperately pleading for the thought to be a clean one.
   “What a time to develop your character.” Ron stuttered, snatching his arm back.
   “Hermy one.” Harry whispered.
   “Who?”
   “Hermee oh knee.”
   “Who?”
   “Herm why oh knee.” Harry then wondered if anyone ever pronounced Hermione’s name correctly during their first read of Harry Potter, before the films rallied them in the right direction.
   Ron bit his lip.
   “I’ve been thinking about her, too.” Ron replied, quietly.
   “She doesn’t know about the troll.” Harry stated, finally finding a use for his sentences.
   Ducking down,  as if walking at a lower altitude would help one from being noticed, they joined the Hufflepuffs going the other way. It didn’t take long for them to break away from that crowd, not wanting to be associated with the only Hogwarts house which had no value to the school.
   Ron hissed, pulling Harry behind a large stone griffin as Snape passed.  Harry placed a hand behind Ron, causing him to leap from the shadows.
   “I’m starting to dislike this new Harry who actually has character.”
   They shrank into the shadows, once more, as it emerged into a patch of moonlight. The troll, that is.  It was a horrible sight. Not ghastly or anything more imaginative, just ‘horrible’. In fact, this entire description will be cliché; its skin was dull, its head was like a boulder and its legs were tree-trunk thick. It carried a generic club.
   They heard something that made their hearts stop – a high, petrified scream – and unfortunately their hearts started, once more.
   “It’s the girl’s toilets!” Harry smiled with glee.
   “Herm ee on!” Ron gasped, suddenly lost in his dreams.
   It was the first thing they wanted to do, what with their coming of age. Harry pulled the door open and they ran inside.
   Hermione Granger was shrinking. Like every other female, in this story, she had no physical power to do anything. She couldn’t even use her apparently intelligent brain to conjure a spell to retaliate. The troll was advancing on her.
   “She’s mine!” Ron cried out. Knowing Harry would only try something unintelligent, like stick his wand up the troll’s nose, he decided to take action. “Winged Guardian Levitate!”
   The tiny Hermione was crushed to death in several sickening thuds of the troll’s club. Ron couldn’t possibly hold the club in the air after one month of being at Hogwarts.
   Professor McGonagall burst in, immediately. Her lips were white, as if that were possible. Snape followed up the rear and within a few swings of his wand, the troll was taken care of. It turns out that two small boys were never a match for a troll. Had the punishment system not made sense, five points would have been taken from Gryffindor.
   “Abra Kadabra!” Snape sneered. A green flash of light surrounded Harry’s eyes as his body fell lifeless, to the floor. “It needed to happen sometime – he was a Horcrux.” Snape shrugged.